I don’t know who first told me to start saying “I’m moving to europe” when cancelling services over the phone

fatmanatee:

joshistheworst:

but good lawd does it streamline that process

lifehack

Ahem. Here’s my take on the whole “GamerGate” fiasco

GET A LIFE, YOU OVERWEIGHT PALE PASTY NECKBEARDED FEDORA-WEARING FATASS BUTTHURT BASEMENT-DWELLING BOTTOM-FEEDING NERD-WHINGING GEEK-FUCKS.

derpycats:

Mr. Personality himself… #fatandhappy #fatcat

derpycats:

Mr. Personality himself… #fatandhappy #fatcat

derpycats:

My mom’s cat Lambeau, and her inability to catch the ribbon. She is such a derp.

derpycats:

My mom’s cat Lambeau, and her inability to catch the ribbon. She is such a derp.

Sometimes, the only solution to a problem is to destroy it.

"Keep a positive attitude," they say. "If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything," they say. "You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar," they say.

Yeah, well, FUCK YOU. You don’t know shit about shit. Those are the lies that society tells you to keep you sedated while the world passes you by, while everyone else is enjoying life and meanwhile you’re silently screaming in the agonized hell of your invisible prison.

FIGHT BACK. Light some goddamn fires. Break a few windows. Throw a Molotov cocktail. Kick some fucking asses. Ram a car into a storefront. Take a baseball bat to your television set. Call a celebrity out for being the selfish, entitled, narcissistic cocksucker that they are. Raise hell. Scream your lungs out on a streetcorner. WAKE THE FUCK UP. The world passes by us fast, time’s wasting and the assholes around us want to keep us silent so that we will just crawl off into the underbrush and die quietly. They want us out of the way so that there’s more for them. They want to preserve the status quo. They believe themselves to be gatekeepers, exercising the rightful judgment of entry to society. They believe themselves above the rest of us, elite, supreme, demigod-like, unapproachable, immutable. Fuck that shit. You’re human too, you fuckheads.

I exist.

iamlucyspet:

i watched this like 5 times in a row

With parents like these, this child is going to grow up to be awesome.

derpycats:

Ay ay ay

This behatted gentleman looks less than thrilled.

derpycats:

Ay ay ay

This behatted gentleman looks less than thrilled.

photojojo:

There’s a whole other world that’s waking up just as we’re heading to sleep, and photographer Traer Scott documents these creatures of the night in her latest book.

In Nocturne, Traer captured over 40 intimate portraits of various nocturnal animals. Some are undeniably cute, and a few are downright terrifying.

New Photo Book Explores the Creatures Coming Out at Night

via Slate

fatmanatee:

I know it’s a cliche to be all “wow this Ask Polly column really spoke to me” but wow what a punch to the gut, huh.

fatmanatee:

I know it’s a cliche to be all “wow this Ask Polly column really spoke to me” but wow what a punch to the gut, huh.

If I’m your tumblr crush, send me $50.

Or $5.00. Or heck, I’ll settle for $0.50.

waerlogas:

i may seem like an angry person on the surface but deep inside im actually angrier

Yep.

joemande:

Atlanta Stripclubs

Boston Colleges

Brooklyn Bloggers

Charlotte Banks

Chicago Buildings

Cleveland LeBrons

Dallas Grassy Knolls

Denver Dispensaries 

Detroit Squalor

Golden State Bridges 

Houston Humidity 

Indiana Mellencamps

LA Screenplays

LA Priuses

Memphis Ribs

Miami Jetskis

Milwaukee Brats

Minnesota Malls

New Orleans Beignets

New York Anxiety

Oklahoma City Domestic Terrorisms

Orlando Chain Restaurants

Philadelphia Tastykakes

Phoenix McCains 

Portland Foodtrucks  Foodcarts

Sacramento Governors 

San Antonio Alamos

Toronto Drakes

Utah Mormons

Washington Lobbyists

colossal-sweat:

walking out of a bathroom with no hand dryers like

image